


Incognito

by Retroblaster



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Canon Divergence, High School, Other, Reader-Insert, Tak in Human Disguise, gender neutral reader, human!reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-01
Updated: 2018-05-01
Packaged: 2019-04-30 17:25:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14501901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Retroblaster/pseuds/Retroblaster
Summary: Tak comes up with a new plan to blend in…





	Incognito

**Author's Note:**

> Ah I really like how this one turned out. Like, I like how the words fit together on this one– if that makes any sense… But maybe Tak is a bit too Zim-y and not laid back enough... I don't know...
> 
> \---
> 
> incognito /in·cog·ni·to/ adverb or adjective 1 : with your true identity kept secret (as by using a different name or a disguise)

In your opinion lunch time was the best part of the school day. Not because of the food (you didn’t have a death wish. So you’d never actually ate it) or because it gave you a chance to see friends outside of class (you didn’t really have any humans you would consider a “friend” at this god forsaken school) but because it gave you a chance to read in relative peace and quiet. There were no teachers telling that only communists read non-school assigned books or peers picking on you for any amount of ludicrous reasons. It was your quite, heavenly, sanity-saving 45 minute break from the hell was secondary school.

“I have a plan.”

Or at least it was usually quite. Luckily the only person who ever bothered to seek you out during lunch was someone you didn’t mind talking to.

“Human literature worm!” Tak says her nick name for you loudly, apparently not pleased with your lack of acknowledgement of her arrival.

You sigh and make a mental note of where you are in your book before looking up at the alien in disguise.

“What?” you were the only person she called a “human literature worm”. It was rather uninsulting compared to what she called everyone else.

“I said I have a plan and I wish to divulge it to you. “ Without waiting for a reply she continues. “Recently, I have noticed that you disgusting “teenagers”,” she says teenagers while making air quotes, “have started taking mates since entering this wretch of a education level.” She pauses as if asking for conformation on her observation.

“Well, since this is Hi Skool I think “mate” is probably the wrong word for it, but continue.”

She nods but you doubt she actually heard your input. As soon as you had found out that she was an alien(which is to say 5 second after she entered the school—It was so obvious –even with her apparently advanced hologram disguise, how is that that no one else has figure out that’s she an alien!?) and she had made sure that you weren’t going to kill her she had appointed you “Hyooman Behavioral Consultant”. Which basically means she would tell you all her plans and expect you to tell her how great they were,

 

She had once compared you to some boy named Dib just “less meddling”, and why would you meddle? As far as you were concerned there was nothing on this planet worth protecting anyway so why should you care if some alien race takes over.

“I have decided that I too will take a human earth mate.” She states.

You look at her surprised. You knew she’d do almost anything to blend in with your horrid peers but you didn’t expect her to go this that far.

Once you recover from you shock you look back down ay you book trying to feign disinterest.

“So you’ve decided to get a boyfriend?”

“A mate.” She corrects. You choose to ignore her and continue.

“Well, I’d wish you good luck. Though, you probably don’t need it.” You pause long enough for Tak to mutter something about not needing filthy human fortune.

“You’re popular so it shouldn’t be hard to find someone willing to be your… mate.” you say before burring your nose back in your book to hide the look of distaste on your face.

“True…” she says confidently, obviously unaware (or uncaring) of your displeasure with her decision.

You have had a crush on the violet eyed extraterrestrial for quite a while now—not like you’d ever confess to her though. It still annoys you that someone else was going to be her “love interest”, even if it was just as an experiment or to keep up looks or whatever.

“I have thought about it long and hard and I am quite sure I have made a correct choice in a mate.”

“Oh?” you ask, faking interest, but in all honesty you stomach is cinching up with unease.

You just want her to make her declaration and leave, though you knew that that was not how it was going to go down. She was probably going to explain step by step how she came to her decision, then she would smugly explain all the strategic value in choosing who she did, which would only serve to draw out your jealousy, then to top it all off she would rub salt in the wound by asking your opinion to make sure that her choice checked out with normal “human stink beast cultural protocol”. Of course you’d have to lie and tell her “Yes, that plan sounds wonderful just like all the others,” because there was no way in hell you were going to tell her that you though she should date you instead. She’d probably just look at you with those stupid fake human eyes and say something like; “Why would I date you? That has no strategic value!” which would only make you feel even stupider than you already did for falling in love with an alien who clearly can’t grasp the concept of “human love”.

You are brought out of you brooding by Tak snapping impatiently in your face with her obnoxiously perfect and trendsettingly manicured nails. 

“Pay attention! This is very important! Besides, I’m sure you’ll be… happy with my decision.”

“I’m sure I will.” You don’t even try to hide the sarcasm in your voice. If you were in a better mood you were sure you’d have found the way she hissed out “happy” amusing, but you are feeling too bitter to enjoy her eccentricities.

“You shall be my mate.”

Your eyes widen and you mouth gapes open stupidly at the announcement.

“What?” that was all you can manage to say in your state of pure shock (and elation).

“I have decided to promote you from “Hooman Exposition Provider” to “Lovepig”. I congratulate you.” She gives you a very quick (and probably condescending) applaud before continuing. “Thusly I will be coming to your house after school today so we may conduct normal human meat bag mating rituals. I expect there to be snacks.”

Without waiting for you to confirm or deny your new position in her Datefriend she turns and begins to walk way. It seems like your brain had the processing power of a a talking toy’s waterlogged voice box and when you finally do manage to scrape together enough thought to form a coherent sentence Tak interrupts you before you can actually say anything.

She turns you you one last time, probably to give you final instructions for you afterschool rendezvous. “See you later… (First Name)…” There was a wide plotting grin on her face when she said that suggested something you should be afraid of but couldn’t bring yourself to be.


End file.
